Thursday, December 12, 2013
Kennebec Journal Staff
I thought after we married I'd have a more prominent place in his life. Wrong! Every decision is still made by his mother. He acts as if I'm not smart enough. Meanwhile, his mother completely ignores me. She plans holiday gatherings and everything else with no regard for my preferences or schedule. She calls his cellphone constantly. I think it's rude. He thinks it's normal.
I'm seriously thinking about taking our 4-year-old and walking out on him. I'm not sure he would notice. I love my husband, but he doesn't have time for me. Any suggestions? I'm ready to explode. -- Second Best in Michigan
Dear Second Best: We are always surprised by people who marry and expect their spouses to suddenly change years of ingrained behavior. In order for your husband to put you first, he must be willing to do so, and he will have to simultaneously fend off his mother's objections. We think he likes things as they are, so this is an uphill battle. You will have to explain why the change is crucial to the health of your marriage, and then insist on counseling. Keep in mind, no attitude adjustment happens overnight. And without effort on his part, it won't happen at all.
Dear Annie: "Concerned Nana" was worried about her 4-year-old granddaughter's self-image because Mommy wanted her to watch what she ate so she wouldn't get heavy. You told Grandma to make little "Jill" feel loved no matter how she looked or what she ate.
Oh, come on! What message would we be sending little Jill with Grandma telling her she is just wonderful as she snarfs down a greasy burger and fries, knowing that this artery-clogging food will only cause bad long-term problems? It's not abuse to tell your child that you can get fat by eating too much. It's the truth. Do you think that being heavy is going to give this child a better self-image?
I'm in the health care profession and have come to the conclusion that in order to stop this obesity problem, we need to educate our children on proper eating habits. I'm sick and tired of seeing overweight parents feeding their overweight kids junk food. -- Not Scared To Say the "F" Word
Dear Not: It's interesting how you chose to interpret our response, which specified that parents should teach their children healthy eating habits, and that children deserve to be loved regardless of what they eat. We'll stand by that. What we object to are parents who, in an obsessive effort to keep toddlers skinny, restrict their caloric intake in a way that stunts their height and health.
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