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Meet with people during the day, avoid drunken hook-ups at night

Kennebec Journal Staff

Hi Harlan,

I'm a freshman at a large university. A lot of my friends go and get drunk at parties every week and have drunken hook-ups. I'm looking for more sober connections because I think I'd be happier that way. I don't know if that means finding a girl(s) to hook up with sober or committing myself to a relationship. Which is more appropriate for a freshman in my situation?

Sober Student

Dear Sober Student,

There's this illusion that hooking up only happens at night with alcohol flowing and deafening music playing. WRONG! Sober hooking up starts during the day. The world is teeming with sober women looking for sober hook-ups. Considering that most women are sober during the day, they are easiest to find when the sun is up. At night, they tend to stay inside or blend into the crowd at parties. And a lot of them at these drunken parties would gladly hang out with a sober guy, given the option.

Get to know women in class, after class, in the dining hall, at the library, in campus clubs and via organizations (spiritual ones are great for picking up dates). Ask them to hang out at night, plan a study date, grab dinner or watch a movie in your room together. Play to your strengths and put yourself in rooms with sober women. Not only will you be shocked with the positive results, you'll be shocked to see what your hook-ups really look like.

Dear Harlan,

I live in a house with seven other people. We recently had a bathroom clog/leak incident. For some reason, everyone in the house blamed me. I am very honest, so if it was me, I would admit to it. But they made it awkward and a big deal. I think it was an excuse to use to go against me, but the whole situation makes me uncomfortable in my house. It's not fair, because it's my house too. It is a stupid reason to get mad at me even if it did happen because of me. Anyway, because of this I'm starting to feel paranoid -- like I am under a microscope and that they are constantly judging me and my every move. On the one hand, I don't care what they think because I don't even like them. At the same time, I don't want to feel uncomfortable since I'm going to live there all year. It just seems unfair, especially since I am a good person and I try to make people happy.

Plugged Up

Dear Plugged Up,

Know why they do this? The guy who defends himself when accused of clogging the toilet is the most fun to accuse of clogging the toilet. I've been that guy. Wear this as a badge of honor. The more defensive you get, the more fun for the seven guys. Before you know it, they'll be planting a case of Metamusil in your closet and posting a picture of you in the bathroom with a plunger under it.

How about this? Ignore it. You sound so busy looking to make everyone happy that you're just making yourself miserable and paranoid.

Avoid flushing tissue, socks and sanitary napkins down the toilet and give them permission to accuse you of clogging the toilet. This is what happens when you live in a house with seven guys. It's fun to bond at your expense. Soon it will be someone else's turn.

Harlan is the author of "The Happiest Kid On Campus: A Parent's Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child)" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.